It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
