I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize