He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
