everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
