its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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