I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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