We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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