I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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