You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
