carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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