I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
