well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
