I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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