i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
