dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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