Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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