she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize