nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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