i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
