I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
