Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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