Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
