I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
