9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
