I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize