I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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