Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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