Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
