CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
