Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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