YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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