I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Betty ford says i'm here all night
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
