$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
