It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
