Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
