There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
