If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize