I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think I sprained my soul last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
