I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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