i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
