I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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