the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
