Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize