Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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