hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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