I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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