idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
