Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
