I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
