she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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