Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
