so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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