North Korea, Best Korea!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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