I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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