arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
