my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
