I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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