I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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