My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
