I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
