its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm both gender and math confused
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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