its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Everything about him screamed your future.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
