i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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