Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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