Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize