The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
