I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
