i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
