drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
