If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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